Miss You

Ok, there's just no other way to put it. I miss EVERYONE.
I miss my family who seem so far away, epecially as one brother travels to attend a PGA school in Florida and as my sister's beautiful family has to rebuild their lives after a devastating garage fire this past Saturday in which they lost many possessions and a precious pet. Now they must figure out what to do as the smoke damage is detrimental to my sweet nephew's very sensitive preemie lungs (he was just diagnosed with asthma and the spices from cooking are enough to throw him into a breathing fit-can you image what smoke would do?).
Growing up, I never thought I'd be so far away from the people I love, ever, especially my parents. I miss being able to hang out with them, play games, visit, celebrate birthdays and holidays, and depend on them in a pinch-you know, like when you have to rush a child to the ER and your DH is working nights or when you haven't had a night away with your DH in over 4 years! I fully realize I have my dear precious kiddos and my sweet husband with me every day and they mean so much to me, but my parents, my siblings, and all my extended family with whom I grew up are so far away from me and the knowledge that some of them have even turned their backs on my family makes the pain even greater.
Yes, my in-laws, are not too far away, although they do live across the valley from us. Yet somehow, it's still far enough that we barely manage to see each other but two to three times a year. I don't know my nieces and nephews. How does that happen? I miss them, too.
And then there are my friends. I am terribly missing my friend Heather who is physically so far away and seems a world away right now. The year before she left we were always running in opposite directions and I regret not having forced myself to grab a cup of coffee with her more often. I am also missing all the friends that I used to get to see on somewhat of a regular basis due to Bible Study, church, homeschool support groups, and such. And I miss getting to participate, on any regular basis, in the many beautiful conversations between like-minded christian moms on an email loop. Our lives have been so busy-OK my life since my DH works 14-15 hours a day 4 days a week and then is completely wiped out the rest of the time. I'm so worn out trying to keep up with my daily life that I just want to scream, "STOP!" But I'm not sure why there seems to be such a distance from so many at once. It's as though they've all disappeared. And the few times I actually get to see them, I'm missing them so much that I pull pack for fear of overwhelming them with, well, me-the emotionally charged and never able to disguise my true feelings and can talk your ear off for hours since I'm so deprived of genuine adult conversation at his point with anyone but my husband, me (Thanks for listening, Sally)!
Yes, I admit it, it's my fault that I haven't been the one to call, email, write or purposely make the time to get together with a friend, but I honestly thought that someone might miss me enough to call me, write me. I'm still here. I haven't disappeared. I still love you. Thank you to the one who has called me though. You mean the world to me right now and I'm so blessed to have you in my life. And coming out to see my son's game so that we could get a chance to talk, that's HUGE in my book!
So, what do I do now? I cling to my Jesus, as always. He is my best friend. He is my savior. He is my life. I trust Him that He has me exactly where I am to be. I do see a sifting in my life right now-a change in priorities and functionality directed by God. He is showing me things in such a new light and I praise Him for it-even when it brings pain. And while right now that pain is in the distance between me and so many that I love, it is nevertheless good. For I must draw my strength and my comfort from Him and trust Him as He leads me on this path. But I still miss you!