Loneliness

Loneliness...it's a funny thing. It can just sort of sneak up on you or it can hit you all at once. Have you ever been in a crowded place, maybe even one full of people you know, and you feel completely alone? You can't always explain it, but it feels so bad. That feeling makes me sick, literally. I usually want to run out and cry. That empty pit feeling in the bottom of my stomach hurts and often leaves me feeling short of breath, discouraged, and yes, even hopeless. Now, I'll admit, I do need alone time on a regular basis, but as a general rule I love to be with people. And it's not enough to just be with them but to be engaged with them on a personal level. I hate to work alone and have always preferred to work along side someone. My parents used to say, "One will chase a hundred; two will chase a thousand." I firmly stand by that and it can truly motivate me, but that's not always how the world operates.
So I ask, why, as a believer in Jesus, a new creation, filled and sealed with the Holy Spirit, can we feel such loneliness? God's Word promises us He'll never leave us nor forsake us (Hebrews 13:5; Deuteronomy 13:6,8). But why do we choose not to believe the truth of His Word? Why instead do we choose to believe error, the lies of Satan? After all, he is the father of lies and would want to make us believe we are incredibly alone. I know the truth is that God is alive in me and that nothing in all creation can separate me from the love of God that is in Jesus (Romans 8:38-39) and yet I still struggle with that feeling of loneliness.
That's when I am reminded by the Holy Spirit that we are to no longer conform to the patterns of this world (that would be what Satan wants me to do, to believe his lie that I am alone), but we are to be transformed by the renewing of our mind (Romans 12:2). That means that if even in my physical circumstances I am alone or if I feel alone, to remember that I am not ever alone. God is with me always. God lives in me. I must choose to believe the truth. But then I feel that loneliness still and I want to get rid of it so desperately. It feels so real.
That's where faith truly kicks in; I must live by faith not by sight, or rather, my feelings (2Corinthians 5:6-8). Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see (Hebrews 11:1) It's believing Him, that He is in me, and that I can rest in Him. Am I going to choose to believe my feelings, what Satan tells me, or what God tells me? There's a reason that God, through Paul, is so adamant about guarding, renewing, protecting, and on what we set our minds (Romans 8:5-7, 2Corinthians 11:3, Ephesians 4:23, Philippians 4:7, Colossians 3:2). If the Holy Spirit resides in our hearts and we are a new creation with a new heart in Jesus (Ezekiel 36:26, 2Corinthians 5:17, Galatians 6:15) and if the job of the Holy Spirit is to lead us to all truth (John 16:13-15), then it is not our hearts that are the trouble, it's our minds. And what controls our emotions? Not our hearts, but our minds.
As an example, try a little experiment on yourself. Remember the saddest time in your life. Think about it in detail. Recall all the events surrounding it. Who was a part of it? What happened? What were the results? I mean really think on this. Let these thoughts take hold of your mind....Are you feeling sad? I know for me I can totally fall apart thinking about things like that. Or what about the future? Who of us here worries or is anxious? What might happen tomorrow? What if I don't get this done? What if my child chooses to do this? What if someone I love gets really sick or does something unimaginable? And we could allow our minds, our thoughts to go on and on. What are your feelings telling you now? Are you sad? Worried? Anxious? Depressed? Now, think about the best moment of your life. Recall what happened in detail. Remember who was there, what was happening, every detail. What happened to your feelings now? Did they change as you thought on different things? This is to demonstrate to us that what we think controls what we feel and if we choose to not give that control to Jesus through His Spirit in us by renewing our minds with His truth, we will continue to feel such things as loneliness. Feelings don't change instantly. We truly have a physiological response to them, such as crying when we're sad (or even when we're happy, like me) or an adrenaline rush when we're scared or stressed. But, they feelings do change. They have their purpose, as God intended them, but they are NOT truth.
It's funny. I started writing this almost a month ago, but stopped due to a loss for words. I wasn't ready yet. God was preparing my heart in advance. He was bringing to my mind His truth so that I could choose to believe it in the upcoming times. These past two weeks have been a testing of my faith and my feelings. My sister delivered her first baby more than 12 weeks prematurely. She was admitted twice to the hospital and the second time they were unable to stop her bleeding and contractions. There was a time during all of this that we were unsure if she or my nephew would live through this. Usually I could have let me mind and thus my feelings run away with me. But God is faithful and because I He had already been teaching and leading me to His truth, I chose to believe Him. I chose to believe that His ways are not my ways (Isaiah 55:8) and that He is in all things working for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28). I chose to believe that God is sovereign and that He knits each of us together in our mothers' womb and knew the number of our days before one of them came to be (Psalm 139). And because I exercised my faith in Who He is and I chose to seek Him and praise Him, giving Him thanks in even this circumstance, He truly guarded my heart and my mind in Jesus (1 Thessalonians 5:18, Philippians 4:6-7) and I could praise Him and rejoice in Him through it all. And the best part is that I got to brag on my God to my little ones!
Lord, may I continue to grow in Your love. May I continue to grow in wisdom, in knowledge of You. Thank you for allowing me to exercise, and thus build, my faith in You. I praise You and thank You, my God, my Father for this test and these trials. I ask for perseverance during these trials to produce character which produces hope and to rejoice in You always.

In Jesus name I pray,
Amen